The "Expletive-Deleted" Case - Entry 7

From the deep, dark, drunken confines of One Duke, the letter was sent...the trap, set:

This [expletive deleted] holdup is inex-[expletive deleted]-cusable, but [expletive deleted] better find an [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted] for us to not [expletive deleted] like a ton of [expletive deleted]. We are not [expletive deleted] around, nor are we [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted]. The [expletive deleted] is in our [expletive deleted], and we [expletive deleted] our [expletive deleted] to the [expletive deleted] hilt. There isn’t a [expletive deleted] more [expletive deleted] than the [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted], [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted] on a pile of [expletive deleted] money...be [expletive deleted] sure. If [expletive deleted] isn’t [expletive deleted], then you will [expletive deleted] in [expletive deleted]. Await [expletive deleted] further [expletive deleted] instructions, and [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted] yourself, in an [expletive deleted] frenzy.

The note held together fine, that was sure to us, disregarding the three bottles of Painted Ox Texas Bourbon Randy and I had imbibed while refining it. We knew that the next step would prove the most frightening, and our collective liquid courage had us prepared for the worst, which is what we’d be sure to receive if we went in with our brains as scrambled as they were. Sensing, late, that the liquor had gotten on top of us, we pulled up our stakes and headed to our respective homes, to dwell in our respective sleeps, dreaming our respective dreams. Even as I drunkenly two-stepped my way home I realized that we’d have to start making a whole lot more sense before this whole caper became a disaster...but that thought sure as hell didn’t get me any closer to my home, where a bed covered with linens fit for a King awaited my arrival, and a ceramic throne fit for my vomit did so as well.

I knew for a fact that tonight I would not disappoint either of them.

Entry 8